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about

- One rainy night on our back porch in East Nashville, I was sobbing over my old nylon string Ibanez that I got in 3rd grade, back when I was sure I’d play that guitar all the way to Madison square garden by now. praying to the gods of storms and creativity to write a song (I hadn’t in months, which is fine but didn’t feel fine at the time) and I was overwhelmed with this sense that maybe I’m not meant to do this after all. Maybe it’s not what I want, maybe I’m just not good enough. And maybe it’s not, and maybe I’m not. But maybe there’s no such thing as ‘good enough’ and maybe sometimes I don’t want to do this thing that is my life’s work and sometimes that’s okay. But I let myself feel all of that, and I thought about all the times I’ve deprived myself of the grace and patience and understanding that I so desperately needed. And all the times I was sure I didn’t deserve them. And the times I spent in church pews next to my wonderful, devout mother, asking if I was worthy of her, of god. And then I wrote this song. I hope it speaks to that child in you. I hope it lets them know that it’s okay to ask these questions and it’s okay to answer them with a staunch and defiant ‘no’.

lyrics

I am a child of god my fingers move the earth and yet I cannot scrub the dirt beneath my nails
I beg forgiveness for the sins not yet committed
I am guilty for the crime of wanting

Still I reach for something higher
Something purer than desire
My materials in pyre
It’s the purest lick of fire

Oh Gloria you know the way my spirit writhes
You know the monsters in my mind
And how they rip right through the wanting

And how my chest collapses
And how the rhythm of my heart in rapture
palpitates beyond, it’s haunting

Still I reach for something higher
Something purer than desire
My materials in pyre
It’s the purest lick of fire

Still I reach for something higher
Something purer than desire
My materials in pyre
It’s the purest lick of fire
My materials in pyre
It’s the purest lick of fire


You come to me in silence
You come when i am rioting
My body bloody bare and beating on your door

It is a martyrdom of the kingdom that will never come
The pleasure of the flesh collapsed to dust under my tongue

credits

released February 5, 2023
guitars: conor mccarthy
drums: brendan bird
bass: mel bryant
lead vocals: mel bryant
BGV's: mel bryant, brendan bird
recorded, mixed and mastered at electric church records by conor mccarthy
produced by mel bryant & the mercy makers

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Mel Bryant & the Mercy Makers Nashville, Tennessee

heart breakin' soul shakin' indie rock band comprised of lovers and friends making songs for their lovers and friends.

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